let's ride

I remember reality opening up to me, as we closed in together. Time circulated through the closed circuit our bodies made there, lying in the grass under the stars, and we became infinite.


Where else would you like to go, but here where everything lives and dies in unison? Do you want to peak in on the place where all flows together, and so feel in your heart the burning of your own transgression against immortality?

Your presence has made the presence of absence burn so much. Now I'm escaping with drugs; I don't know how to handle this...I've never been happier or more miserable at the same time.

I once again prove myself to be the fool...the dunce. Just a fool on the hill mhhhmm see the sun going down mmhhhmmm


Go, then, go in search of the Fountain of Youth; proclaim at the top of your lungs when you find it. You have heard none before you cry out in joy of its capture; and you will hear none in the future. You will hear only the echoing in your own mind. The Fountain of Youth is precisely that which causes your bones to whither and return to dust. You can only search for what you will never find. Do not fear your death because it is a return, you will always return.

It's that presence of your absence that burns in me; these are the sour waters I sip from the Fountain....I'm never alone in the dark, my mind fractures into a million characters. I let my mind run rampant in a game of russian roulette, and the devil on my shoulder wins the tables. Let's go, go, go. Let's boogie-woogie to the midnight schizoid show. Best seat in the house, because it's behind your eyeballs? "What's going on behind there?" She asks. Does she want to know? I'm slow to open up because I don't want to know if I'm actually insane.

It doesn't matter. I know if I sacrifice anything it is in the name of what I am searching for, and what I create will reflect the blood and toil I go through to create it. It will only be more human, the more I suffer and the more I overcome into the horizon of joy. The light is distant but so warm, enveloping even in its spatiotemporal separation. My thoughts could fly around the world to you. I hope you shift in your chair, or your nose wrinkles when you get these. Our third eyes have touched.

Some voice says: she should be careful what she wishes for...

She is decoding me; she will expose me. My nervous system is already unravelling. There is the girl with the multiple arms and the chameleon appeal, so multifaceted as to be a rubik's cube; I crawl through all the squares as the colors flash and glow and change; the never-ending puzzle. She is the fourth dimension, and I want to keep going further into the halls of her consciousness. it is like an escape, from my own mind into someone else's. A window into the Other. A fade into nothingness, a becoming-in-itself. I want to go there, and explore more. I need to feel the pulse...let's conjoin for a moment and escape into each other's minds...

She's become a myth in my mind. Some icon, distant, out there...what even happened? Where have *I* been the past two weeks. What has happened? Chronic delirium eating away at stability. The carpet has been pulled out from underneath me enough times. Maybe that's why I'm a 'philosopher' -- i'm always tripping over reality.

A new, wretchedly pathetic boy crawls out of my skin. He smirks at me in the mirror and I look away, ashamed. I have been exposed, I'm a big phony. I reject phonies! I reject even myself. Look at this: what role will you occupy here? Along what parameters need you act to assert this or that reality? Reality-check: Lauren--I need you to be mine. And, yet, what ROLE must I adopt to do this? I'm an actor on a stage without a script, and you stand lifeless until I deliver the right line. But I need you to know, I'm a boy playing this role; dance forever with the dunce-eternal.

Snake Charmer and the Muse-on-a-stick

Man I wish I was never born

my muse hanging from a stick

noose around her neck

and the puppetmaster laughing

as he rocks his old-fashioned scale to and fro

The puppets jump and dance with

the displaced weight.

Man I wish I was never born

gravity compress my spine

squeeze my soul into a ball of fire

and I piss your flame,

O Devil,

O snake, the wisest of all

I step on your tail

and you hug me

suffocate and relieve me of explosive spring-spine

Catapult out of my skin...

Now I'm wrapped-trapped in spiraloid

snake-hug.

My muse hanging from a stick

Noose around her neck

Black hair reflecting moonlight

She never looked so pretty.